


Saying Goodbye

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon, Future, Points of View
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-07-28
Updated: 2007-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-26 18:36:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12064719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: A short story describing the sad goodbyes Brian and Justin share when Brian leaves New York after visiting Justin





	Saying Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

  
Author's notes: This is a story about the sad goodbyes Brian and Justin share when they part ways after visiting eachother. It's taking it's toll and they both get really upset. This is set at about a year and a half into Justin's stay in New York. Shmoosy and angsty.  


* * *

 

Here we go again...another miserable night of sad, angry fucking and tear drenched goodbyes. I fucking hate this...there is nothing I hate more than getting on that god damned plane and leaving my Sunshine behind.  We usually spend the last night fucking each other’s brains out, trying to destroy the pain with mind blowing pleasure. It works for a while, but nobody can avoid the morning after. 

The morning after where I sneak out of bed trying not to wake him, packing my bag silently, always getting caught by him, getting an angry lashing for not waking him up. One more sad fuck in the shower, lots of wet kisses, embraces. I try to pull away from most of them, fearing that if I don't I’ll stay forever, even though I want nothing more. He knows this, and he complies, knowing that we must let each other go. We hardly ever talk, finding words too painful, sitting in silence in the cab to the airport, just wrapped around each other, breathing in his scent as he runs his hand up and down my back. How long will it be this time? A month? 5? 10? It always varies, and we never know when we're going to get the time to be reunited.

I never say I love you, finding the words a farce. Why would someone leave the person they loved behind and travel 300 fucking miles back home? Well, the place that I live? Nowhere is home without Justin. He usually whispers I love you in my ear as we hug, and my breath always catches and I kiss my reply. 

This time though, it's fucking worse, because we're blind drunk the night before my plane leaves, deciding to go to the local clubs. We got a little carried away in the moment, and I guess we both figured, fuck it, so we got totally trashed. I'm lying dazed on Justin's bed and the drink seems to have made me 100 times more depressed that I usually would be. Justin had to go to the bathroom, but as I hear a loud urge, I realise it wasn't just to take a piss. I stumble clumsily into the bathroom, pushing open the door and seeing Justin slumped on his knees, and I hold back his hair as he barfs into the toilet. When he's done I ask if he's alright. He nods and I get some tissue to wipe his mouth, flushing the toilet as he brushes his teeth. I clean up what he spilt on the floor, not really thinking twice about it. I'm such a fucking Stepford fag now, cleaning up my husbands vomit. Justin is swaying on his feet, his mouth still foaming with the lathered toothpaste. He nearly collapses and I catch him mid fall. He could never handle his drink as well as I could, me obviously being used to it. I carry him out of the bathroom, hearing him mumble "I'm alright...Brian you don't need..." but his head falls forward and I know he's long gone.

I lay him on the bed and crawl in next to him, folding my arms around him and feeling myself drift into sleep. I'm suddenly pulled out of my slumber by my lover tossing and turning beside me. I try to open my eyes, my head groggy, but not yet entering into the realms of hang over. My lashes are stuck together, so I slowly lift my hands and open my eyelids with my fingers. I look at the clock, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the bright numbers: 4:39. We've been sleeping for about 2 hours, and Justin is still clung onto me, moaning and groaning. At first I think he's having another nightmare, and I feel myself tense up. 

"Ugh...Brian? Are you awake?"

I sigh in relief, and I groan my reply, pretending that I hadn't already been awake, worrying. 

"I had another nightmare...I always do when you have to...it's so annoying." 

His voice is high pitched and slurred, so I can tell he's still wasted. He's not making a lot of sense, but I know he probably sounds like a philosopher in his own head. I try to get him to go back to sleep, but he ignores me. 

"Please don't leave me Brian...I love you so much. I hate it when you leave. I fucking love you..." 

I shush him, knowing he may regret whatever he's about to say in the morning. 

"I know...I know." He sighs. "I know you don't like to...I'm sorry. I guess I just can't help..." 

He keeps trailing off, and I tut and kiss the top of his head. We're silent for a long time, until I find that I'm the one starting to speak, my mind still swirling a little. "You have to stay here...you need to achieve your dream." 

I hear his slow breaths and I think to myself he's either fallen asleep or he's contemplating what to say next. I wait for a while, my eyes drooping. I listen to his breathing...1...2...3...4 - 

"You are my dream." I hear, muffled by my chest which he's nuzzled into. 

My heart skips...wasn't expecting that. He usually just resigns to whatever bail out phrase I throw at him. I slowly curl my fingers in his hair, not knowing what to say next. After a few moments, the obvious reply comes to me. In a long sigh, I say "You've already achieved that dream, Sunshine." 

I feel his lips curl into a grin, and he lifts his head, looking blearily into my eyes. He shifts over to me, kissing me softly, and I intertwine my fingers further into his hair. He parts from me, grazing his thumb along my jaw line. His smile lights the pitch black room, and I hear him speak in a slurred whisper 

"Tell me you love me Brian." 

I don't even hesitate. "You know I love you...I love you..." I repeat, knowing he wants to hear the three actual words. 

His grin widens, and I roll my eyes, smiling too. 

"Now will you let me get some fucking sleep? In case you've forgotten, my flights at 11, and I'm gonna be hung over to hell. I think I need as much energy as I can get." 

His grin gradually gets smaller, and his face is consumed with sadness once more, but he nods and resumes his position, resting his head on my chest again. I resume my slumber, but I can't stop the silent flow of tears running down my face.


End file.
